ii

understanding is not merely knowing. understanding is experiencing what i know in mind and body. understanding is having what i know and feel become a part of me. ultimately, understanding is being at peace with what i know and feel.

to have understanding, i must first become aware of my thoughts and feelings. i must not avoid thinking what i think and feeling what i feel no matter how uncomfortable or painful those thoughts and feelings may be.

to avoid certain thoughts and feelings is to betray understanding. when i betray understanding, i am betraying myself, and i am at war with my own thoughts and feelings. when i am at war with my thoughts and feelings, only toxic results can follow.

when i don't avoid my thoughts and feelings, i am walking the path of awareness. painful as that path may be, it leads to understanding and ultimately peace. i may need help to walk this path, but it is my duty to seek this help because i am ultimately responsible for my own peace.

until i understand what i think and feel, i am like a blind person trying to ward off blows that come from nowhere.

the first step in understanding is acknowledging my own thoughts and feelings no matter how unpleasant.

second, understanding means questioning my thoughts and feelings to determine their validity. just because my thoughts and feelings are mine does not make them true or worthy or acceptable.

understanding means a commitment to honesty: to see myself, other people, and events accurately to the best of my ability; to acknowledge what is fact and what is not; to be able to accept compliments and criticism from others and to evaluate them rationally.

until i honestly appraise my thoughts and feelings, i am like a child who can not tell the difference between fairy tales and reality.

the second step in understanding is honestly appraising my thoughts and feelings to the best of my ability.

third, understanding means accepting that i am not perfect and will never be, and that i will have inappropriate thoughts and feelings, but that the important thing is that i recognize those inappropriate thoughts and feelings and strive to change them.

i must understand that by changing those thoughts and feelings, i will change myself for the better, and that by changing myself for the better, i will change my inappropriate thoughts and feelings.

however, i must not belittle or attack myself for such thoughts and feelings. rather, i must be committed to identifying and changing them.

until i accept that i am in a continuous path of bettering myself, i am my own worst enemy, always at my own throat.

the third step of understanding is to be in a friendly relationship with reality and myself, one which will allow me to change for the better.